July 18, 2022
I see you found my "website." What a time. Thanks for visiting, thanks for taking time with my music and my art. Thanks for coming into my world.
I don't really know what the point to any of this is. I realize I'm driven by my art. I'm not really that great with human interactions. You would think I am, because I come off as extroverted. But.. I don't know it's such a struggle. I can't tell who to trust, I don't understand love, I really only understand myself. I spend so much time alone pondering and sometimes people say I overthink. I don't care.
I think about the past and future too much. I am obsessed with my dreams and they literally guide me to do everything I do. I ask my dreams for guidance everyday. I think I'm too dramatic. I don't know if I've ever understood anyone and I don't know if anyone has ever understood me.
I don't want to live in LA and be a part of the "music industry." I just want to make my own weird art and do my own weird shows and be on my own and not have to depend on anyone else. I really don't like people who are fake. I know it comes from a place of insecurity but I want to be a beacon of truth and love.
It's so hard to exist! It's so hard to be a human trying to be alive. I feel for everyone. Sometimes I see a person riding their bike down a street and I want to cry for them. They are trying like me. We are all trying.
I'm basically writing music about all this. It's all an attempt to understand. Camus said art is philosophy with no conclusions. I agree. I would never want to be naive enough to think that I have an answer. Any answer I have ever nailed down has changed over time. The only truth is that everything changes!
Sometimes I want to become a nun or devote myself to a spiritual existence. To be honest, I am kind of already doing that. Like I said, my focus is on my self and my dreams.
So.. thanks for getting to this point. Thanks again for taking time with my music. It means a lot.